I really thought that my mind was my own to control. I'm sure there have been many before me that have thought the same. The thoughts swirling around my mind are mine and I can turn them on and off when I want to .....or at least, this is what I wanted to believe.
This all came crumbling down the day that Anxiety took over my mind and my life. I then had to reassess exactly what controlled my thoughts and the process from which they stemmed from. I had never given much thought to good thoughts and bad thoughts before. Not in the way that a thought can be constructive or destructive.
Many of my friends and family were surprised to hear that I was suffering from Anxiety, given that they saw me as having a layed-back nature. Obviously I am much more layed-back on the exterior, as the whirlwind of thoughts and worries were quite often spinning around on the inside. Admitting this to myself as well as others is half the battle.
To have a particular outlook on life, particularly a positive one, takes effort and you need to be committed. It needs to be a very conscious and habitual process. To find the positive in a situation isn't the most natural thing for me to do. So, I need to work at it, and from this, I hope to build a better thought process that is much more healthy.
I have found being positive and happy in my everyday life so much harder than focusing on the negative. I feel that there are so many forces around us, being the people in our lives and the messages from society that can really help to bring you down and continue the negative feelings to flow around you.
My experience with my anxiety has shown me the effects that this negativity can have on a person, and so I have made the choice to be happy, to be positive, to shut down the negativity where I can. I also saw the flow on effect of negativity and how it can effect your quality of life, and would rather that my children do not feel it's burden through me. I would much rather fill their lives and memories with positives. This in itself would be a huge positive energy for me.
Just as negativity has a flow on effect, so does positivity.