Saturday, 3 November 2012

Simple Words Melt My Heart

It is hard being a Mum, enforcing all of the rules. Rules, you see, are everywhere, and are important in life. So it is my job, as your Mum, to let you know what the rules are, and make sure they are being followed.

You know the rules, they have been the same since you were born. We have been trying to be consistent. We have tried to explain the reasons for having the rules to you in so many ways. It is not that you do not understand the rules, or their importance. You try to follow the rules, but you are driven to break them. Not because you are naughty, but because you are fearful.

Your fear of being alone has been growing. We carry you to your bed at night, as we have exhausted all of your tears  whilst trying to get you to sleep in your bed. You are sure to wake through the night, and realise you are alone, and make your way to the safe haven next to me.
And no Supernanny! Consistency and routine are not the key to this little boy's problem.

Still, we guide you to your room each night. You need to know we will continue to try. Your room will eventually become your own haven. Your own safe place to retreat to.

You came to me the other night as I was climbing into bed. I gave you the same spiel you have heard so many times before.
"I just need to tell you something Mummy" you say, as you fidget nervously with the book in your hand.
"I wanted to show you something in this book."
You shift closer, hitching up on the foot of the bed. As you turn the pages, I know you are desperately trying to find something for us to discuss. I am tired. I look at your face. You look tired too. Yet, here you are, trying to find a reason not to be alone, instead of resting your weary eyes in your bed.
You are sitting cross-legged on the bed in your shorty pyjamas.

I sigh. I am weakening.
"Are you going to jump in?" I say.
I can not bear to see your little legs and arms prickled with goose bumps.
Your head whips up and the look on your face changes to gratitude.
As you scrambles to slide in next to me, your next words melt my heart, and override any rules you are breaking.
"Thank you Mummy, for letting me snuggle next to you. I do love you so much."

I love you so much too.

Game over.