Sunday, 15 July 2012

Controlling the beast is hard Mum

My theory is that boys and conventional toilets just don't mix. There, I said it. It's out there. Who is going to back me up on this one?

My problem lies with the one boy in the household. I have heard similar stories from other Mums of boys, but I must admit that at the time I thought "how hard can it be?" Point and shoot, right?

I really don't think it is a matter of aim though, as I have seen offenders aim at other things with perfect precision and most boys will try writing their name while urinating at least once in their lives.
There is clearly a reason why public toilets are equipped with urinals for males or the simple 'wee here wall'.
Japanese GWN Series Toilet - Aim Here!

So what is the problem? Possibly boredom and easily distracted? If you have any thoughts or advice I am happy to listen.

After several discussions with Master 4 about where the wee is meant to go, and the consequences of the wee going outside of the intended perimeter, I threw up my hands in despair and total frustration. I am so over sitting on a toilet seat with a dribble of urine on it, and little puddles beside the toilet on the floor. The sweet smell of wee is not my favourite fragrance.

There are many things I would personally like to control. Hubby would say this is just me being a control freak, but what is wrong with wanting things to follow the correct course and end with the right outcome?

At the beginning of the year when I wrote 2012 - Year of control, I had no idea I would then resort to writing about toilet habits and etiquette. Yet, here I am.

I have resorted to following Master 4 to the toilet. I stand within glare and warning reach while he does his deed. I have stopped just short of actually taking control of the offending body part myself. Although, I haven't totally dismissed at as the last option.

So, in my capacity of The Wee Police, I was one duty only yesterday, listening carefully for the correct sound of urine on porcelain. The second the sound changed tone, I belted out the order "In the toilet!" It's a wonder Master 4 doesn't startle at this point and spray me with it.

Master 4 re-aimed and finished his business. As he walked past me he shrugged his shoulders and said "Sorry Mum, I just lost control for a moment." Just like that I was left standing outside the toilet on my own, contemplating the news I had just been given.

The frustration gave way to humour as I pondered the enormous responsibility of controlling such  wayward beast. I fought the urge to yell after him with "Both hands on the bat son".

God help us all when the hormones kick in.