Lighten The Load

Imagine if you had no one to talk to. No one at all. Imagine being weighed down with worry, and having no one to share the load. I can't imagine, as I have always had someone around willing to listen.
My world would be morbidly lonely if I could not talk about what is on my mind. I would literally go nuts with my thoughts trapped in my head, with no exit. I need to be able to bounce ideas off people, hear what others are thinking, share my worries and have a giggle.
So when a girlfriend recently apologised for dumping her worries on me, it was shocking to hear that she felt she had no one to talk to.
Seriously, no one?
I have been clearly spoiled for choice, with my husband, workmates, friends and relatives always willing (or painfully submitted) to hear my gibberish woes when I have needed to vent. It makes me wonder if maybe I share too freely, but a problem shared is a problem halved, and two heads are better than one, and on and on.
How do you sort through your worries? Do you have someone to listen?
  

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Things I Know About Sleep And Parenting

I know that sleep is something I value highly and always have. I love my sleep, I love my bed. Those who dare come between us will hear my wrath.  Having my sleep disrupted or taken away from me was a huge concern in becoming a parent, but my desire to become a parent rated just higher than my passion for sleep.

I found out pretty quickly how exhausting parenting can be.

Although my body had been trying to get me ready for the sleep disruptions to come with needing to visit the toilet, the movement of the baby, and limited sleeping positions, it was nothing compared to the actual lack of sleep and exhaustion I was about to experience once baby and I got home.

With both of my children, I found the demand of initially feeding every four hours, the efforts to breastfeed, and the healing after childbirth quite taxing. Just when you start getting used to a schedule, your baby moves into the next phase and everything adjusts.

I actually get a giggle now, when I hear a parent say that they can't wait for their child to start moving around independently, as I know that life in fact does not get easier once babies start rolling, crawling, walking and running. In fact, as exhausting as a new baby is, I would say it was the easiest time for the fact that baby always stayed where baby was put. I became quite the fan of the notion of "sleep when baby sleeps" when it was possible, which was not always or regularly given the chores, appointments and visitors.

Initially, I did not have an opinion on co-sleeping. 

I listened to the advice given by professionals and other parents, and decided that each person had their own bed to sleep in, but cuddles and feeding in my bed was fine. My children, on the other hand, soon let it be known that they wanted to be comforted and close all of the time. Both of my children did not cope well with self-settling, and this became an issue in getting them to sleep each time, and settling them if they woke.  It soon became standard practise that my children would sleep sometimes in their own bed, and sometimes in ours. We did try different techniques and options to encourage sleeping in their own bed, and with quite some determination, but in the end our need and love of sleep determined that baby was welcome in our bed if it meant we were not standing by theirs all night or up and down between the two.

As I returned to work, the co-sleeping acceptance became even more of a sensible choice for us.

With the alarm clock set to go off at a regular time each work morning, there was nothing worse than watching those numbers click over closer and closer to that time as you pat a child's back, and try to convince them that Mummy won't rush back to her warm bed as soon as their eyelids droop. There is also nothing worse than that exhausted, hang-over feeling that comes after little, interrupted sleep, whilst trying to perform your duties at work and make it through to the end of the day.

As I write this, I can honestly say that our children have never been the sort that take themselves off to bed when they are tired. At the ages of 9 and 6, they would still prefer one parent to be present when they drift off to sleep. What can I say .... we are pretty irresistible!

They are old enough to understand now that sleeping in your own bed is important for a good night's rest. There are also plenty of incentives, or consequences at this age to encourage going to sleep on your own. As they got older, there need to be in our bed and help them to get sleep has improved. Some days are better than others.

I am proud to say that I am instilling in them my love for sleep.

They now look forward to weekends where they do not have to get up early to start the school morning ritual. "Sleep-in days" are becoming things that they too treasure.

Coping With Anxiety And Adrenaline

Adrenaline is one of those amazing hormones that your body creates when you are scared, angry or excited. Your body makes it when it thinks you need it, like a boost of energy and confidence to get through something. Unfortunately, when you have Anxiety, your body may misinterpret the signs and create adrenaline when it is not needed. When adrenaline is released into the body, it quickens the heart beat, strengthens the force of the heart's contraction, and opens up the bronchioles in the lungs, among other effects.

Some people refer to some activities as "an adrenaline rush", and seek them for the buzz that it can help you feel. I remember the adrenaline rush of our wedding day and it kept me warm in my sleeveless gown well into the night. My husband also refers to adrenaline when people ask how he copes when attending accidents with SES.

These examples are fleeting in their longevity, and do not compare in any way to the adrenaline I felt through Anxiety.

I would be emotionally and mentally exhausted, and battling several other symptoms of Anxiety, but my body would still be ready to go.

I would go to sit down in the late afternoon, or prepare for bed in the evening, and my body would fight it, trying to tell me that it was ready to take on more. I would be laying down shaking all over, from my chin right down to my toes. As much as I tried to stop it, my teeth would chatter, but I was not cold.

It was what I termed Adrenaline Shakes, and to experience it is quite disconcerting.

I had started medication, but knowing that it would take weeks to take effect, I wanted to do whatever I could myself to aid in the journey to recovery.

I was doing two forms of exercise a day. During the day I would pop in my earphones, put my head down and would take a fast, lengthy walk. Between dinner and bedtime, I would do a workout that would eat into that build up of adrenaline, such as an hour of Kick Boxing.

I have found exercise to be a fundamental part of treating my Anxiety, for using up the adrenaline, but also to keep me fit and able to cope both physically and mentally.

Palpitations were a complication of too much adrenaline too. I had numerous episodes, both at home and in the presence of medical practitioners. I used breathing, relaxation and ice packs to the head and face to try to slow down my heart rate, but eventually I had to be prescribed a Beta Blocker to control the palpitations until my other medication became effective. After a couple of months I was able to come off the Beta Blocker.

I was also aware that if I could limit my Anxiety by any other means, it would reduce the amount of adrenaline I was building up. I actively sought any forms of relaxation like breathing, massage, listening to music, yoga and progressive muscle relaxation.

I would love to know how Adrenaline has impacted on you and your methods of coping?

Itching for Spring

Allergies are horrid. No matter whether you are born with an allergy, or develop an allergy later in life, they are downright annoying. It is quite ironic that the season I love the most, also causes me such grief.

I have had several allergies since I was little, such as pollen and dry grasses, and shellfish. I have kept away from shellfish, and have no desire to have it. Pollen and dry grass is harder to avoid, so I spend months of the year taking anti-histamine medication to lessen the symptoms. These allergies are very much a part of my life, and I can't remember a time without them.

I am so used to being slightly itchy all over, even with medication. My skin itches, my nose itches and runs, my eyes itch and water, my mouth and throat itch too.

It sucks, and it rears its ugly head every year, but it is manageable and I cope.

I think as far as allergies go, I could do so much worse.

I have had a couple of episodes of allergies to medications where the reaction was much more severe and unexpected. It certainly was an eye opener into what other people with severe allergies have to deal with.

With Spring here, I am looking forward to the blossoms .... heavily medicated, of course.

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Helping Ease The Pain Of Loss

Grief is such a complex thing. It is a hard, horrible process to go through. One that each individual tackles differently.

With the sudden passing of a lovely lady and neighbour recently, we have watched as a friend has dealt with the turmoil and heartache. He and his wife spent most of their free time together. They clearly were compatible and enjoyed each others company. They both worked hard, and had each other and their dogs.

We have struggled ourselves.
Obviously not on the same scale as our friend, but nonetheless, struggled to make sense of her passing, and explaining life and death to our children.

The thing I have found the hardest is finding the balance of being there for our friend, without smothering him with our presence.

Over the years, we have come to know our neighbours reasonably well, and have enjoyed a chat and a laugh over the fence on a regular basis. We keep an eye on each others homes and pets. We exchange presents at Christmas. They are treasured neighbours and lovely friends.

Our friend told us the news himself. That, in itself, would have been extremely hard.
We have looked to him for signs in helping him through this time, and hopefully we are reading them right.
If he wants to chat, then he will, sometimes for hours. If he is not up for a chat, he will give a wave and greeting, but then continue with his chores in his yard.
We have freely talked about his wife and her wonderful ways and humour. This talk flows freely, not at all awkward, and I feel he is needing to still mention her often.
We have also invited him to join us for a few meals, making sure that it is more of a suggestion than a forceful request, and one that can be accepted or denied easily.
We have also dropped meals to his door, as I feel sure that he needs some time to himself, to process and adjust.

Hubby and I have also thought long and hard about other ways we can be there for our friend.
This is hard, as we know in our relationship, as well as those of our parents, there are roles that each person in a marriage usually takes on. One is usually more money savvy, one arranges things, one does paperwork, one does the wheeling and dealing, one does the majority of cooking, one maintains the house, one maintains the yard....so we have informed our friend on several occasions that we are more than happy to help where we can.

We are not the only friends/family that our friend has that is looking out for him, and he has proved himself very capable with the funeral arrangements. He and hubby have made plans for a future fishing trip, which they will both enjoy together.

It has been several weeks since our friend lost his wife, so we will continue to be there for a chat and assistance if he needs. I feel that having people around, for when he is wanting to talk or needing company, is the most important factor at this stage.

Have you experienced loss and grief and have suggestions on how to help, or shed some light on how you felt through the process?

Linking up with my favourite links for Friday.

Pause! Mummy Can't Handle You Getting Older.

I have wished for my own personal remote control for many things in the past. 

Haven't we all! There have been many times when I have wished to slow down how fast my children are growing. It does not sit well with me that it is going so fast.

My daughter has just turned 9 years of age.

SHRIEK!!!!

Not only does this mean that she is getting older, but so am I.

No longer is she my little girl, as she is growing so tall, she is about to pass her grandmothers.

She has also had reason to recently borrow a top from my mother, as they are similar in size. This is just way too scary for this mother.

She is asserting her preferences in the area of clothes, hair and how she spends her time.

Miss 9, as she will now be referred to, is also maturing quickly. This is starting to bring on some of those awkward questions and conversations. On the other hand, I am enjoying the recent chances to have some amazing discussions with her. Being able to talk and discuss things on a higher level is helping us communicate and understand each other better. 

Hubby, on the other hand, is struggling with the thought of Miss 9 maturing. The hormonal changes and the constant moods of a growing girl have him quite in a spin. He lacks experience with growing girls, having only one brother and no sisters.

In my mind, she will always be my little girl. She stills takes opportunities to let me know she needs my comfort, guidance, and occasionally, loves to be fussed over.

She is now taking the opportunity to inform me that she is not a baby anymore, and has more mature tastes (if you don't mind).

 

 

An Entertainer, I Am Not

I love a good party. I love the atmosphere, the socialising, the chance to let down my hair, the chance to enjoy a bevy and a nibble. I am not a natural entertainer though. I stress too much and worry about the really little details. I don't enjoy all of the preparation and am not a natural cook.

It is amazing what you do, though, when it is for a loved one, and you stepping up to the plate is the difference in the likelihood of there being a party for that loved one, or not. Thus, I have just been involved in organising and throwing my 2nd 60th Birthday bash.

Luckily for my dear Mum, and also my mother-in-law, they both fall into the category of special people in my life.  Otherwise, you would NEVER have seen me organising either of their 60th Birthday celebrations. 

I can't take all of the credit though. Hubby is always there to do what he can in organising and pitching in on the day. We also have some pretty special relatives who are more party savvy than I, when it comes to feeding a large group of festive friends and relatives.

Despite my lack of experience, and my dislikes, my mother-in-law's recent birthday party went really well. 

The cake was great, there was WAY too much food, the kids had a great time, many people were chatting and laughing, and some choose to bust a move to the music. Amazingly, there were no disasters!

A successful event!

The Silly Season - The Things I Know

Things sure are moving with momentum now. Things are a little crazy - you can see it, feel it and hear it everywhere. Do you know what I mean? This crazy feeling is the reason for me taking a step back from blogging the last few weeks. I now know my limitations in pushing myself to do more and more, and listen to my needs.

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, I should explain myself.

Anxiety: The Dark Cloud

Did you come here wanting to read something bright and bubbly today? Are you looking for inspiration or assurance that the world is a wonderful place? Were you hoping to see a lovely , bright picture? Did you wish that I posted an insightful quote?

Are you a new reader ... or do you know I have Anxiety Disorder? As much as I try to retrain my brain waves, push the negativity away, and bring the sunshine in .... there are days when it's just not going to happen.

Grateful for ....the flu

Yes, you read it right. This week has seen our lounge turned into a day bed for one after another of our family, as we fell victim to the flu. I'm not so sure about the rest of the family, but I am grateful.

Life has a way of slowing you down when you need it, making you take a well needed break. For me this has been true on several occasions.

So I took a whole night and day to myself, as I let hubby dose me up with Panadol and top up my drinks. He even thought to grab me a great little pack from the Supermarket, which was a lemon drink powder with soluble Paracetamol made by Codral. It was quite good for those dreaded aches and pains.

My very thoughtful in-laws collected Master 4 for a sleepover, as he tends to jump all over you whether you are sick or not. So Miss 7 and I top and tailed together on the lounge, watching TV, dozing and moaning about our ailments.

It only took me a moan or two to stop and remember that the flu was only a temporary and short situation for us. Unless we hit any complications, the fact was that we had little to complain about.

My mind wandered, as it often does lately, to think about the lovely Lisa at The Kings,who recently lost her son and husband close together, and is now raising her remaining three sons on her own. I also thought of gorgeous Trish at My Little Drummer Boys, who recently had a double mastectomy after discovering a cancerous lump, and is undergoing further treatment. Jess at Kisses From The Fight is always an inspiration, as I struggle to comprehend the enormity of living with her chronic illness from such a young age.

With Master 4 now the latest patient on the lounge, I can't help but smile as I watch him slumber under the polar fleece blanket. His little moans and flushed cheeks are not so hard for this mother to bear, given the ill fortune and suffering others endure.

Have you been sick lately with the flu? Are you sick of hearing about others with the flu? 
GET OVER IT! and thank your lucky stars when you get to the other side.

Mothers Group made me the mother I am

I ummed and ahhed abut going to Mother's Group. Like many, I didn't know if it was for me. I was nervous about meeting new people and looking awkward as a new Mum. After talking about it with hubby, he suggested that I go just to suss it out. "You can always not go back if you don't like it."

I wonder now, how I would have coped if I had not gone that first day? Would I have developed the same respect for other parents without my group meetings? Would I have crumbled within the first 6 months, thinking I was the only one experiencing doubt of my abilities? Would I have gone stir-crazy in the house without a weekly outing to look forward to? Would I have found assurance from other sources that my baby was behaving age appropriately? When would I have discovered that my baby had a dislocated hip?

As we got settled at that first meeting, we all looked around, sizing each other up (I'm sure I wasn't the only one!) I wondered how I could live in this rural town all of my life, and have worked here, without knowing any of the other 7 mothers. Introductions were made, and we shared what we wanted  of our birth stories. I remember thinking "Thank God, somebody actually wants to hear the gory details and understands what I'm talking about".

The Mother's Group co-coordinator went through what we could expect from each week with the group. The agenda seemed interesting and there were a few topics I was looking forward to, and others I thought I had a little knowledge of.

The first 10 weeks of the organised program went quickly, and the opportunity to continue to meet as a group was an option. By this stage, we had bonded as a group, finding our similarities and differences, and laughed at our initial hesitations and awkwardness. A few of the Mums drifted away at the end of the scheduled meetings, but those of us that were left agreed that we really looked forward to meeting up.

Importantly, for me and my baby, we had developed strong ties with the group co-ordinator, who was also our Early Development Nurse. She had discovered and pushed the issue of the dislocated hip at the 6 month mark. Her perseverance and expertise was so appreciated.

The group continued to meet. The venue changed as well as the frequency over time. We took turns hosting the gatherings at our houses. The babies were not babies for long, and they loved this chance to socialise and check out other toys. Us Mums loved the chance to have a hot cup of coffee, and talk to other Mums experiencing the joys and battles of parenthood.

At this stage, 8 years on, there are a handful of us that keep in touch. We have watched our children and families grow in that time. We have shared some hardships and made wonderful memories together.

Mother's Group, for me really was something that shaped me as a parent. I still marvel at the idea that you can throw a group of women together who share one common factor, and you end up with a support network and an invaluable source of knowledge to help you through your journey.

Did you join a Mother's Group? What was you experience if you did? If you didn't, what were your reasons?

Happiness is ... stepping up to the plate

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Some people need to be told when they need to put in a little effort. That's OK. It's not always obvious that your help is needed, or that someone isn't coping doing a task by themselves. Some people, hopefully only a handful in your life, need to be constantly told in put in some effort. That can be annoying. We all need a little nudge now and then, but mostly people are aware of things and people around them.

As a parent, one value I try to instill in my children is respect.

• For life, for property, for parents, for elders, for nature, and for the beliefs and rights of others
• Courtesy, politeness, and manners
• Self-respect 

This week Miss 7 did her parents proud when Hubby became ill and asked for her help. Miss 7 has always been eager to please, accommodating and grateful for any praise (on a good day). She jumped at the chance to help her poor, sick Dad and I could almost see her puffing her chest out with pride at being asked. While her Dad has not been well, she has fed our dog and settled her into her kennel each night. Such a simple but important task done has been a relief for hubby.

This morning Miss 7 and I took the opportunity to go outside early with some nice weather and hubby and Master 3 sleeping in. After a little umming and ahhing about what she could help with, Miss 7 decided that she would clean out the dog's yard. She has never undertaken this weekly task before but watched hubby do it.

Armed with a long handled shovel, she proceeded to remove the doggy doo without batting an eyelid or the usual dry retching sound heard from hubby. She then pulled the hose out and washed down the yard till it sparkled and washed and filled the water bucket (without getting wet).

When hubby emerged, I expected her to run up and offer her good deed done for the appropriate praise. She said nothing. After a little while I mentioned to hubby how busy I had been in the veggie patch, and that Miss 7 had also been busy.

The look on his face when he discovered the efforts Miss 7 had gone to in completing his weekly task was priceless (and just a touch emotional).  Miss 7 took her praise graciously.
It was a great moment for Miss 7 and also her parents.

Memorable moments with the cherubs

I'm so pleased to be joining seven cherubs again this week for her ongoing project of Cherishing our Cherubs.

This week we are remembering special moments. There are literally a trillion memories, moments and photos that I could have picked for this post. It was a really hard decision which way to go, so I hope you enjoy these memories.

Freedom is sweet
Our daughter was always bubbly and full of giggles. There were those grumpy moments (of course), but generally she was a treasure. They say that children will reach their milestones in their own time, and she was doing all the things her peers were doing at 5 months of age.
Our clinic nurse showed concern during a check and urged me to seek the opinion of a doctor. The doctor was happy with our little girl's progress and sent us on our merry way. Several weeks later, after more urging from our nurse (bless you Ruth), we ended up in Radiology and learned that our precious girl's right hip was, and always had been, completely dislocated.
Her father and I were distraught, wondering how this could have been missed for so long, by the medical professionals and us.
It broke my heart the day I had to hold her so they could put the little mask on her face that would send her to sleep. To feel her limp body in my arms was surreal. That operation was the first procedure to correct her hip displasia and the last time we would see her from top to toe for the next nine months.
We took our little girl home, and started the process of reorganising her wardrobe and finding suitable equipment to accommodate her cast.
The last cast was removed when she was 15 months old. She had adjusted well to each cast and her mobility restraints. She certainly coped with the ordeal better than I did.

To see her free of the cast finally and be told her hip was shaping well was such a relief.  In the end, compared to the medical situations of so many others, this was a small hiccup in life, but it was our little girl's life.














Our adventurer
Since our son could crawl life has just been one huge adventure. He is at his happiest when he is free to explore. We have so many memories already of him getting into situations where our hearts have been up in our throats. He is certainly in his element in the outdoors and can physically do things that I have not seen his peers do. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. We'll see.
I have mentioned before of our holiday spot and his love of rock jumping. The speed at which he can move across the rocks always astounds me. He is sure footed and very agile. His curiosity of the things around him is ever-present.  This means that he is very hands-on, constantly, dirty, wet and poking things that he shouldn't. But the wonder in his eyes and the glee at discovering something is just beautiful.

His list of skills/conquers/accomplishments in his 3 years is lengthy, including climbing the ladder to the roof, learning how to open the window and walking along the outside windowsill, skilled with a scooter, competent with a drill, kicks a football well, great at handstands, has very cool dance moves,  performs acrobatics, hangs upside down from the monkey bars, and many more. Some of these skills we applaud. Others have us cringing as we run to his rescue.

D day - and the winner is?

Gasp! Shock! Horror!    No - I think it's going to be ok.

This was me this afternoon when I was away from the house and realised I hadn't taken my medication this morning. My mind went into a small meltdown, then started racing through thoughts at 100 miles an hour. Crap. Crap. Crap.
What do I do - What can I do?

Then I stopped myself. Take a breathe. Get a grip.
I tried hard not to do a full self-analysis which is what I would do 20 times a day at the height of my anxiety. I'm fine - I know this. I don't need to analyse.

It's the day I have dredded since going back on anti-anxiety medication in March. I knew it would happen, eventually. I often thought about what I would do when it did happen. I have gone to work just to turn back countless times, sometimes a good distance along the road because I had forgotten to take my tablets.

So, what was I going to do today?
In the many times I had gone over this in my head, I had finally decided that, given that the medication had taken over 4 weeks to take full effect in my system, that missing one dose might not make a HUGE difference. Also, if I had been late an hour or two taking the tablets I probably would have gone home to take them. But, given that we are into the afternoon now and I usually take them when I get up, added to the fact that I am heading away from home and on foot with a friend - nope, I missed today's dose. That's all there is to it. No biggie - right. I hadn't broken into a sweat, the world hadn't rushed in at my, my vision was clear, my heart wasn't jumping out of my chest, my breathing was regular. Woo hoo - a win for me!

image source

To come to this conclusion quite quickly was a big moment for me. The fact that I had completely forgotten about my tablets until the afternoon was also an indication that I am doing so much better now than at the beginning of the year. There were days, weeks, months when my anxiety dominated my life and everything I did - or couldn't do as the case was.

Now, I was doing so much better. Don't get me wrong, this is not the time to wean myself off the tablets or (God forbid) stop taking them. My medication had brought me back to feeling a little like me again, and they helped me function everyday. I quite like the way I feel these days and am in no hurry to test the waters and to start feeling anything less. Today, I had gone a step toward the fact that I might be on medication to get through life right now, but there was a lot of effort I was contributing too.

Happiness is .... good tunes

There are just some tasks that I do better if I have some good music playing.

Actually, it is quite rare (especially now I am in the depths of parenthood) that I am surrounded by silence.